As in: Hey there, sister! You might not want to read this one.
So I’m at this IRA pub in Derry, talking to the only other Americans I’d met traveling through Northern Ireland (they happened to be from my state, so we were getting on quite well) and a group of gents that had heard our funny accents and came over to talk to us. I distinctly remember this one fellow who was telling me that he could no longer see out of his right eye because he’d gotten hit in the face with a rubber bullet. “You’re pulling my leg,” I said, not believing him at first. And then a split second later, I realized: he’s totally not kidding. I’m in Northern Ireland.
The whole time we’re having this conversation, I notice a big bald guy looking over at me (looking me over?) from a table a few feet away. I give him a smile and keep talking to the group of guys I’m with. After a couple of pints, they decide to call it a night and head out the door, leaving me still a bit chatty and not quite ready to leave, but with no one to talk to. I go and sit in an empty chair next to the wall, and the bald bloke pulls up the chair across from me. We exchange our names, say a few introductory words, and then: “So – how about we get out of here, then?” “No,” I said, grinning — “I don’t think I’m looking for that tonight.” We continue talking, and I realize that maybe I am up for it. I’m really not into bald guys (Captain Jean-Luc Picard being the exception), but he was handsome and I was traveling. “Okay,” I said. “Okay, what?” he asked. “Let’s get out of here. I have a room in a bed and breakfast down the road.” No more needed to be said; we grabbed our coats and walked briskly out the door into the January night.
We did have a lovely conversation on the way; he told me about the history of the area, and I asked a lot of questions. The cold air felt good in my lungs and I had drunk just enough to feel warm and giddy. Once we got into my room, the conversation was done. Usually, one night stand sex isn’t great; sometimes, it’s downright awful. But this was hot. This guy was built like a fucking bodybuilding giant, which again is usually not the type of guy I’m attracted to, but he was perfect that night. He picked me up like I weighed nothing and fucked me against the wall, banging me into it so hard that we knocked paintings of ships off of it and so loud that there is no way we didn’t wake up every single guest. He tugged my hair like reins and compressed my entire body against him. He flung me all over the room like a rag doll, and I wanted more. We rested for a little bit, soaking the sheets in our sweat, before going at it again.
And then: “Okay, you can go now.”
“What?” he asked with furrowed brows.
“I said you can go. Go home and get some sleep.”
“You’re not going to let me stay here?”
“No,” I laughed. “I’d also like to get some sleep.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yeah, I’m serious. I had a really good time, but you need to go.”
He put his clothes on, looking confused, and joked about me being cold. He gave me his card (there once was a time before Facebook), like I was going to contact him.
And honestly, it felt good to have that kind of power. I walked into the B&B’s dining room the next morning, tranquil as a monk, smelling of sex and faintly smiling, and sat down in a beautiful hand-carved wooden rocking chair at a table with a doily on it next to a wall covered with sky blue and cream colored wallpaper, and I tore into the Ulster fry in front of me like a champ.
In any case, the point of the story is that travel sex is great, you guys. Go do it (be safe!). And it’s okay not to be Facebook friends after you do.