As a horror fanatic, this is the most wonderful time of the year.
Happy Halloween, everyone.
To seek out other sinners, click the lips below.
I don’t think of myself as an exhibitionist.
This is strange, considering how much I love having sex in public. (So. Much.) The potential of being seen – not actually being seen, but just the possibility – makes my knickers slicker than a snake oil salesman. When The Texan suggested we go off the trail while hiking for a quickie, I almost died of pure joy. Seeing a hiker off in the distance – not close enough to see us, but close enough to want to investigate should we make more noise – made me clench around him tighter.
There was an evening a couple of years ago when I was walking around a playground taking pictures with a partner when he suddenly reached under my dress to slide my red panties off (putting them in his breast pocket like a gentleman), sat me down on a piece of equipment, pushed my skirt up, and started lapping at me; I think I came in under a minute, and it was incredibly intense. It was the only time I ever had an orgasm from oral sex with that partner (whom I otherwise had a MILLION vaginal orgasms with); he thought for sure it was because we were outside where people might see us. I shrugged that idea off – until I started taking naked photos of myself.
I cannot get through a photo shoot without wanking. Something about knowing that I’m taking these photos to show other people – that I’m exposing myself to someone who at the time of the shoot is unseen, someone who might be turned on by those pictures – arouses me to no end. If you’ve seen Sinful Sunday photos of me, you can be sure that a) my cunt was shiny and slippery at the time, and b) I stopped taking photos at some point in order to rub one out.
I love walking around my apartment naked and fucking in windows, always wondering if anyone is looking up or over and then won’t be able to get it out of their head for weeks; I also have stranger gangbang fantasies that I don’t actually want to enact.
Still – I don’t consider myself an exhibitionist. I don’t want to watch other people watching me. I don’t want to directly expose myself to people without their consent, my sexual gratification isn’t reliant on other people’s reactions, etc. The idea of going to orgies or swinger’s clubs doesn’t really appeal to me except as a novelty.
Thinking about someone happening to look over from their apartment to see my sweaty body pressed against the 18th story window as I was getting pounded from behind this summer in my friend’s apartment – hoping that it’s a catalyst for a wave of desire that then consumes that person and carries over into their sexual relationships – makes my pulse quicken.
Riding The Texan on a picnic bench in the dark last year, his dick barely out of his jeans and my dress hitched up around my waist, knowing that anyone could stumble into the area of the park we were in at any moment – even if it was highly unlikely – engulfed me in a desperate, greedy lust.
Not seeing you, but knowing you’re there – invisible, but felt – makes my body stand on edge, warm and wanting.
I’ve had a couple of experiences this year wherein I was playing with someone for the first time, and things were hot and heavy. After lots of making out and touching, stroking, licking, and nibbling each other’s various body parts, I was lubed up and desperately wanted to be penetrated. I come much more easily from penetrative sex than oral sex, so I usually want to have penetrative sex if it’s on the table (especially if it’s on an actual table). In both cases, the guy was hard as stone; however, once I rolled on a condom and we started fucking, he lost his erection. This in and of itself is not a big deal – boners can be pretty random. They often come and go for no reason at all, and I’m all about being sexual and sensual and completely enjoying being with my partner in myriad ways without a hard dick present.
What struck me as odd, though, is that after sex with both of these gentlemen, they apologized and said that they weren’t used to having sex with condoms. I then asked: “The women you’re with don’t care whether or not you use them?” Nope, they said. Usually they don’t. I’ve heard this from numerous other (straight) male friends as well – that they don’t bother wearing condoms if the women they’re with are fine with them not wearing one – even strangers they take home from a bar. The thought then occurred to me that maybe I’m the anomaly here. I’ve always insisted on condom usage – even with most of my partners when I was in monogamous relationships and on the pill (I realize this is strange)!
When I was very young, I watched two loved ones die of AIDS-related diseases which catapulted me into ten years of volunteering for various HIV, AIDS, and STI-related organizations and non-profits. I guess Always Be Condoming just got drilled into me during my adolescence and has never gone away.
Two thoughts on this: one, I grew up with actual sex education. It wasn’t much; it certainly wasn’t comprehensive or sex-positive, but it was something – we learned about barriers and contraception. We learned that this shit was important. I was in high school during the passage of the 1996 welfare act that first funded abstinence-only education (thanks, Bill Clinton); it didn’t go into effect until I’d already gone through sex ed. Abstinence-only curricula often preach medically inaccurate information regarding the use of condoms, so people who have been taught in states that receive abstinence-only funding are less likely to use them. The funding of comprehensive sexuality and relationships education is imperative to safer sex practices.
Two, every poly person or swinger I’ve been with consistently uses condoms with their (non-primary, if they have a primary relationship) partners, which is one reason that STI transmission rates for ethically non-monogamous folks and monogamous [sic] folks are pretty similar.
Don’t get me wrong. I relish the sensitive feeling of the satiny skin of a hard cock inside of me, and there’s nothing I love more than being pumped full of jizz and feeling it drip down the insides of my thighs (or then having it fed to me…), but seriously. Seriously. I suggested to the first guy this happened with that he might try masturbating with a condom on to get used to the sensation – at least the cleanup is easy. I’m curious now as to what other people’s experiences have been like in terms of condom usage. If you have a dick or fuck people who have dicks, do you insist on condoms for PIV sex, or let it slide – and why?
The Butters is an all-natural lube – no parabens, no glycerin, no added colors or scents or chemicals. It’s vegan and plant-based, and I can pronounce and identify all of the ingredients, which makes me feel good. It’s not just lube, though – it has a multitude of uses. The first thing I used it for was makeup removal; as someone who wears makeup infrequently, it was nice to have something to remove my foundation once in a while that wouldn’t dry out my skin without having to buy a special product. The second thing I used it for was shaving my legs (I usually use conditioner), and it worked great! I’ve used it for moisturizer as well, and I’m kind of sad that I don’t have Docs to shine with it.
By the time I got around to putting it on my naughty bits, I was already sold. The Butters is longer-lasting than water-based lube, but not as fluid as pure coconut oil; best of all, you can use it on silicone toys (but don’t use it with toys that are made from porous materials). Something I really like about this lube is that I can use it externally and not have to re-apply (a reason I like to use silicone lube on my vulva) while using a silicone toy internally at the same time and not worry about getting silicone lube on it accidentally. This lube is fantastic for butt toys – I’ve used it with beads and plugs, and it’s perfect! I like that it’s slippery without being runny – it’s creamy instead. I’ve used it for manual sex, externally on myself and on a male partner; in a long hand job session, I only needed to grab a bit more lube once! My partner was really into it, too (I believe his exact quote was, “Where can I buy this?!”).*
As for vaginal use – I think that’s a personal call. There’s a lot of discussion and disagreement among sex educators about using plant-based oils as vaginal lubricants; if you’re fine with other oils, this might be okay as well. I’m prone to yeast infections, so I prefer not to use oils inside my vag at all. And a quick PSA: Please don’t use oil-based lubes with condoms, kids.
Something I love about The Butters is the discreet packaging – once you take the label off, it’s just a small black tub. It could be anything – meaning you can leave it in plain sight and never have to answer questions about it. I wish it came available in a pump or squeeze tube, though; maybe someday down the road? One of the best things about it is the price; at half the price (or less) of other lubes on the market, it’s a steal! A 4oz tub of The Butters is only $4.50 compared to the $8 – 10 price range of other lubes at that size.
The Butters has a faint scent kind of reminiscent of a new silicone toy – not unpleasant, but present. Not strong enough to smell if your nose isn’t right next to it, but it will stay on your fingers for a little while. It kind of looks like semen when it’s being rubbed over a body part, which is delightful… and hot. Overall, this is a great lube. The texture, the endurance, and the multiple uses won my… heart. Highly recommended! And if you’re not in the market for oil-based lube, pop over to LTASEX anyway for a good dose of entertainment and education.
The view from the top floor is just as bright and beautiful at night – even a very foggy one – as it is in the morning, and I wanted to show that. A bit more enjoyable with wine than coffee!
See who else is being sinful this week: