I’m not a tech person, but when I heard about the Mystery Vibe Crescendo, I understood why tech people were stoked about it. With six different motors inside and not only the ability to flex and bend into different shapes BUT ALSO Bluetooth connectivity / an app from which you can create your own vibration patterns, it feels futuristic. It’s a brilliant concept – make one vibrator that can fit the needs of a variety of people. That can be a G-spot stimulator one day and a dual-stim vibe the next. That has twelve different patterns built into it already as well as a variety of speeds, so you don’t even need to download the app.
The Crescendo comes in beautiful packaging – an elegant black box with a magnetized lid which stays tight when you close it. The instructions come on a black card with gold lettering in a black envelope tucked into the lid of the box – like an invitation to a remote and lavish ball. Actually, it kind of reminded me of the murder mysteries I used to love playing as a teenager! Opening the box, you discover that the vibrator also comes with what I can only describe as a knife roll for sex toys – a silky pouch that has separate compartments for the vibe and the charging components, easily rolled up and tied round with a black satin ribbon. It’s a very classy design, and I can’t even say how excited I am that it’s not pink. Seriously, industry people – SO HAPPY IT’S NOT PINK. None of it is pink. Thank you for that, Mystery Vibe.
The Crescendo comes with a charger that can plug into a computer or wall adapter; the charging cord plugs into a base on which you set the vibe to charge. This blew my fucking mind until a friend pointed out to me that other electronics do that – I’d just never seen it before. Again, not a tech person. Despite this and despite being wary of privacy concerns (I don’t use my phone to do anything blog-related), I tried to download the app onto my phone – no dice. The Android version said that “there was a problem parsing the package,” and the Google Play store said that my phone wasn’t compatible with the current version of the app (it requires Android 6.0 or higher).
I was actually okay with this – while I’m sure the app is fun to play with, the vibrator is fun enough on its own. To be quite honest, it took me some time to warm up to the Crescendo. It’s called the Crescendo for a reason; most of the patterns rise and fall or switch between different motors in the vibrator. I’m used to using vibrators with one major point of vibration, so even when they use patterns, it’s always in the same spot. Not so with the Crescendo. At first, I found this frustrating – this is not a vibrator that you use in a pinch to get your rocks off before running out the door. It takes a bit of time and buildup. This is a lazy Sunday afternoon vibrator. Because of that, however, and because it can be used hands-free (awesome!), I found that my orgasms with it were more intense than usual. Instead of tensing into my orgasm, I could lay back and let the sensations build and build before coming, which is something I’ve been trying to work on lately.
There are a couple of minor drawbacks for me – I could bend it into the shape I wanted, but couldn’t get it inside of me while it was in that shape… and once I had it inside of me, could no longer bend it into the shape I wanted. I got close, though. At times I would go to push it deeper inside and accidentally hit the buttons, changing the speed or pattern; it would be nice to have a kind of locking mechanism to prevent that were it possible. It is a lot noisier than the website lets on (it is “expected to create some noise”); that’s not a problem for me, as I’m noisy as fuck when I’m having sex… but there is one pattern that involves a sound that to me mimics an elephant trumpet, which I find mildly alarming.
There are also some major drawbacks. The Crescendo falls somewhere in the middle of the buzzy – rumbly spectrum, but a lot of the vibrations are on the buzzy end; I wish they were a bit more rumbly. Maybe it’s that the motors are buried underneath the flexing mechanisms, or maybe they’re just buzzy motors. Perhaps that’s why it takes me longer to get off with this vibe. Another big drawback is the price; at $200, it feels like you’re paying for the novelty of having a bendable vibrator.
That being said, there are also big benefits. It has wireless charging, and you can wash it after use (just don’t submerge it) – a big deal for an insertable vibrator. You can register for a warranty if you buy it, which I think is fantastic! It has a nice feel to it, too; the outer shell is made of soft silicone (not medical-grade). My very favorite thing about it is that after using it as a dual-stim vibrator, I can take it out, change the shape, and keep using it as an A-spot stimulator without having to change toys. That’s pretty badass in my book. You know that feeling right before you come where your whole body is tingling and you feel waves of ecstasy? The Crescendo had me in that state for a loooong while; it’s a toy I will use whenever I have leisure time.
All in all – the Mystery Vibe Crescendo is an innovative and creative (but rather expensive) product that can suit many needs, comes in beautiful packaging, and will be lots of fun to experiment with!
UPDATE! I just got an email from the creator of the Crescendo; he tells me that a) they’re working on a firmware upgrade so that the device can be locked into a certain pattern / intensity; b) they’re working with the motor manufacturer to make a quieter motor and more rumbly motors on the ends of the device. Yea!
*Full disclosure: Mystery Vibe sent me a sample of the Crescendo, but did not ask me to write a review.