Remember back in the eighties when pot was described by Nancy Reagan and the D.A.R.E. program as a “gateway drug” – the idea being that once you smoke mary jane, there’s no turning back, and you will IMMEDIATELY AND IRREVOCABLY crave harder drugs? I feel like spanking is the “gateway kink” of BDSM in that most people have tried it… and then have all gone on to have completely different / variant experiences with kink (‘cause the myth of a gateway drug is fucking ridiculous). Some folks try spanking, find that they’re not into it, and go back to vanilla(ish) sex; some folks like it and stick with it, but don’t get into other stuff; and some of us now own a host of impact toys, lengths of rope, and butt plugs.
Hand spanking was my introduction to kink; my high school boyfriend and I role played and experimented as much as possible, using the online purity test as a guideline for New Things to Try. I loved the stingy feeling of light pain that accompanied the heights of pleasure my sensitive body was experiencing – I wondered at how it intensified my joy. I feel so lucky that my first exposure to spanking was in a loving relationship in which I completely trusted my partner; it allowed me to explore other aspects of BDSM which I now fully enjoy and incorporate into my sexual life (and sometimes non-sexual play).
I very much enjoy pain, but I’m not a masochist; I’m not submissive, per se, but when the right person gives me orders, it makes me quiver. Having partners who not only ask if I want to be spanked, but how, is such a huge turn-on. Here’s what I say:
I want you to bend me over your knee and pull my knickers down so that they’re just underneath my bottom. With one hand around my waist holding me tight, I want you to start lightly and rhythmically slapping my ass – both cheeks – like you would a drum. Keep a slightly curved hand so you don’t hurt yourself!* Slowly build up speed and intensity, then give me one good, hard smack. Before I can finish letting out that sigh of pleasure, hit the other cheek hard – it will take me by surprise. Lightly graze both cheeks with your fingertips in whatever pattern you fancy. Start again – only this time with a bit more intensity. Do it again. And again. When my ass is a nice, bright red, I want you to slide a dildo into me – maybe a few times, right over my G-spot. Maybe more than a few. Maybe slide your fingers around the base of that dildo and circle them around my clit, pulsing the dildo with your other hand. Just when I think the spanking is over and I get to come, take your hands off – leave the dildo in – and tell me to count to ten. For each number, give me a good, hard, smack – each harder than the last. Caress my bottom with a light touch… then when I think it’s all over, give me one last extra-hard bonus smack as you start pulsing the dildo again. Tell me to touch myself while still over your knee… and that if I come for you, I might be lucky enough to get your dick (or fingers, or strap-on) inside of me instead of that dildo.
Maybe spanking was a gateway kink for me… a gate I feel grateful to have walked through.
*For real – I once got a hematoma from spanking someone too hard with a straight hand!