The bath was where I learned how to masturbate; still one of my favorite places to rub one out to this day.
When I was teaching in Korea, I noticed a large cultural difference in terms of how students would address creative questions. This became very apparent when I asked my university students the following question:
“If you could travel back in time, when and where would you go?”
In the US, students might answer that they would go see ancient Egypt, dinosaurs in the Jurassic period, or Woodstock. My Korean students, however, would always – without fail – tell me that they would revisit a time in their own life in order to change it (usually to study more or take a test over!) or return to an age when they had more free time. It’s because of their answers that this idea popped into my head.
If I could go back in time, where and when would I go, professor? That’s a hard question. Maybe you want me to say something about some big historical event or a famous person I might meet, but to be frank, there are moments in my life I want to go back to. Missed opportunities. Moments of regret. No, not the chance to study abroad or take more advanced classes. The chance to have more lovers. You’re blushing, professor. No need; I am just answering your question.
Let me give you an example. You always ask us to give examples to show our answers, right? So here’s mine. Last summer, I took a trip to Europe with Jun to celebrate our last year in university; you remember me talking about this before. We were at a hof one night in Zurich talking to a small group of Swiss women; Jun wasn’t feeling well and went home early, but I stayed. I was left with two women, both so beautiful. They had shiny hair, soft skin, perfect teeth. They were young like us, and we talked about the difficulties of expressing our thoughts in English. Well, to make a long story short – we all drank many beers, and these girls started kissing each other. I had never seen that before; there are gays here, but they hide. I watched them, so surprised – and so… well, it was exciting.
One of them took my hand and leaned in to my ear; she asked if I would come back to their apartment with them. I had never done sex with one person, and here were two girls asking me to come with them! Professor, I was so scared that I couldn’t. I was afraid that I would be bad at it. That they would laugh at me. Now, I regret that. So to answer your question, professor, if I could go back in time, I would say to those two Swiss women, “Yes. I will come with you. But I am inexperienced, and I need guidance.” They would say to me, “Yes, we will help you.” They would take me home and teach me everything.
I would give them as much pleasure as they wanted, and I would touch them the way they wanted me to touch them. I would lie back and let them touch me and kiss me, wondering about my luck. I would have – what is the expression you taught us? – seized the day. Professor, I don’t want to say too much, because you seem uncomfortable. But in my mind, I live that night every night. If I had a time machine, I would make a girlfriend in my first year instead of getting high test scores. I would kiss many girls on my trip. And I would enjoy my time with the two women I dream about every night.
I was finally put into full rope suspension for the first time last fall; it was comfortable and calming, and the mistress who bound and hoisted me was brilliant (she’s a friend, so I may be biased). Can’t wait to do this again someday!
P.S. Many of you noted in the comments that you were interested in being suspended; I asked Cammies on the Floor for a piece of advice or a tip I could put on the website for folks who were interested, and here’s what she wrote: “Going to rope practice classes and socials is the best way to meet someone. Being a practice bottom isn’t very fun, but it’s important to a top and segways into knowing a top well enough to suspend.”
My freshman year in high school, my closest friend (on whom I had an immense crush) and I walked through the halls, clicking away on the tiles with our brand-new, matching, shiny white gogo boots. We wore miniskirts and lip gloss; we linked arms and sashayed into rooms like we owned the joint. It wasn’t just that the heels on the boots made our legs more shapely; it was the way we had to bend down to zip and unzip them*, the way the line of the boot draws the eye upward, the way poise is affected by confidence is affected by poise. A feedback loop. I felt untouchable – an intoxicating emotion for a fifteen year-old who criticizes and doubts everything about herself.
My father was in the military for thirty years, so I’ve always associated boots with power. When he would head off for weekend or summer trainings, he shined his boots beforehand ‘til they glowed like fresh ink on a typewriter page. He laced them lightning quick, ready to go in an instant in case of emergency. When I smell shoe polish, I think of his nimble fingers pulling the strings just so and whipping them around hooks before tying bunny ears. There are pictures of me as a toddler stomping around the house in his big black boots – laces undone, dragging on the floor. I was in Nepal on a hike when I realized that I lace and unlace my boots just like he used to, and it made me cry in the middle of the mountains.
I’ve worn boots as both a domme and sub in session; I’m a bottom by nature, and it can be difficult for me to inhabit a dominant headspace. Attire makes a huge difference! I know that a true dominant can do all their domly domming no matter what they’re wearing, but… I’m just not a top. Wearing boots is the number one thing – at least from a physical standpoint – that helps me get into a dominant role. Be it cowboy boots used to step on someone’s dick (love that guy), heavy, thigh-high black vinyl boots being worshipped by a man on his hands and knees, or – any boots, really – used to boost my height and assertiveness, boots make me feel in command. Self-possessed. A force to be reckoned with*. I feel like my fifteen year-old self: swaying my hips, begging to be looked at, and acting grown up – not even really knowing what that means.
I love the idea of this being the first thing The Engineer sees when he gets home from work someday – but a much more elaborate and luxurious spread than this, complete with a candelabra and a vintage lace peignoir (I wouldn’t consider these items to actually be epicurean, but I worked with what I had!). I want to make a complete mess with him on a hard dining room table.
On a completely unrelated note, E is the best! letter! ever! for a photo prompt (all those exquisite adjectives)… there were a million ideas that I didn’t have the time or resources to follow through with. If anyone can tell me how to overlay one image on another without Adobe Photoshop, please let me know in the comments!