Grown

My freshman year in high school, my closest friend (on whom I had an immense crush) and I walked through the halls, clicking away on the tiles with our brand-new, matching, shiny white gogo boots.  We wore miniskirts and lip gloss; we linked arms and sashayed into rooms like we owned the joint.  It wasn’t just that the heels on the boots made our legs more shapely; it was the way we had to bend down to zip and unzip them*, the way the line of the boot draws the eye upward, the way poise is affected by confidence is affected by poise.  A feedback loop.  I felt untouchable – an intoxicating emotion for a fifteen year-old who criticizes and doubts everything about herself.

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My father was in the military for thirty years, so I’ve always associated boots with power.  When he would head off for weekend or summer trainings, he shined his boots beforehand ‘til they glowed like fresh ink on a typewriter page.  He laced them lightning quick, ready to go in an instant in case of emergency.  When I smell shoe polish, I think of his nimble fingers pulling the strings just so and whipping them around hooks before tying bunny ears.  There are pictures of me as a toddler stomping around the house in his big black boots – laces undone, dragging on the floor.  I was in Nepal on a hike when I realized that I lace and unlace my boots just like he used to, and it made me cry in the middle of the mountains.

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I’ve worn boots as both a domme and sub in session; I’m a bottom by nature, and it can be difficult for me to inhabit a dominant headspace.  Attire makes a huge difference!  I know that a true dominant can do all their domly domming no matter what they’re wearing, but… I’m just not a top.  Wearing boots is the number one thing – at least from a physical standpoint – that helps me get into a dominant role.  Be it cowboy boots used to step on someone’s dick (love that guy), heavy, thigh-high black vinyl boots being worshipped by a man on his hands and knees, or – any boots, really – used to boost my height and assertiveness, boots make me feel in command.  Self-possessed.  A force to be reckoned with*.  I feel like my fifteen year-old self: swaying my hips, begging to be looked at, and acting grown up – not even really knowing what that means.

*…or a snow bunny.

*

 

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17 thoughts on “Grown

  1. I really appreciate the three different vignettes. The first and third are very tingle inducing and the second very poignant. Your dad sounds pretty special and sounds like he passed on a lot to you.

    Also, as much as I enjoy the picture you actually posted – lovely scarf to go with the boots! It would have been thrilling to have you in a miniskirt bending over to lace your boots. I hope it’s a sight the Engineer gets to see soon!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I love this series of stories and you got me with your dad story – I can relate. 27 years and I still find myself missing him out of the blue.
    Do you know the artwork of Paula Rego? There’s a painting (?) entitled The Soldiers Daughter I thought of that when I read your story – though its a bit more sinister than your tale.
    I laughed at the disco boots too! Thanks for sharing Jo!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Reading this I had to smile because a few years back I found a updated version of white go-go boots (i’m gonna look for that photo!) I used for Halloween and even write a story about my 3some with those boots! I thought go-go boots were sexy back then and still do.
    And I can relate to you with your dad. My father was in law enforcement and when he was walking the beat (in the 70’s) he would polish his black boots and show me how to do it as well. You’re right about the aroma of shoe polish lol. As for the power thing, I get that too but I think I get into leather more because of my father. Smelling it when I hugged him goodbye, hearing the crackle of his belt, jacket and holsters. Yep. I blame him LOL
    You got me on the dom part. I’m hoping to eventually try that with a willing victim, I mean subject.
    I look forward to the photo of you lacing up your boots suggested by Awakenedgentleman 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

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