I understand the benefits of pretending to be someone else; being able to act out your fantasies in a safe space is a powerful thing. The reason I loved reading as a child is because I got to imagine myself as a character in a world wildly different than my own. I got to go on adventures, be courageous, and do things I could never do in real life. This is one appealing factor of Dungeons and Dragons, LARPing, cosplay, the Ren Faire, and Halloween parties.
I will gladly don a costume and get into character for one of those activities, but when it comes to sex and kink, role play is a big “meh” for me. I chalk this up to the fact that I’ve done professional sessions as both a domme and a sub, and the roles that my clients prefer me to play (student, nurse, cheerleader, maid, secretary, interrogator…) always feel so cliché to me – like I’m in a bad 1970s porn. Don’t get me wrong: I have SO much fun playing these roles (oh my god, so much fun!!!) in the same way that I have a great time at costume parties – but the dialogue, characters, cues, and tropes make me laugh rather than turn me on. I get into my character’s head space and make an effort to be as believable as possible in session because to do otherwise would be a disservice to my clients, but for me, it’s make believe. A game of pretense that doesn’t feel sexual to me even in an overtly sexual space. Even when my clients allow me to be myself in session, I’m not me. I’m the character they see on the website, a woman of a different name, a flawless minx. Add role playing, and it becomes a dream within a dream.
Perhaps because I’ve had to perform roles for work, it doesn’t work for me in real life. I’d much rather be myself and play with my partners as themselves, because they are the people I choose to be with. The Engineer doesn’t have to be anyone else other than exactly who he is, because he’s the person I love. And I don’t want to be someone other than who I am, because who I am is pretty great, and because, well – it feels like work. I want to be spanked and flogged and caned not because I misbehaved or got bad grades or made a typo, but because I like it. It feels good. I want him to tie me up and use me for his pleasure because it makes me happy. Because it makes him happy. Because it turns us on. Because it’s him doing it.