The bath was where I learned how to masturbate; still one of my favorite places to rub one out to this day.
The first time was an accident. Maria had picked up the phone in her room when it rang; when she heard her roommate Edith say hello to her long-distance girlfriend, she almost clicked the button to hang up – until she heard Edith’s girlfriend ask, “So – what are you wearing?” This should be good, she thought, waiting for Edith’s inevitably quippy reply.
Instead, she heard Edith say, “You know that bra you bought me for Christmas? The red, lacy number that I never wear because it’s so impractical?” “Mmhmm,” came a knowing murmur from the other end. “That, and one end of your favorite dildo.”
Maria almost dropped the phone. In a panic, she pressed the earpiece to her ear and moved the mouthpiece down toward her neck, afraid to breathe or make a peep. She listened to Edith’s girlfriend give orders which Edith presumably followed:
“Are you wet? Good girl. Slide the dildo in and out until it’s covered in your juices. Get on your knees; push it deep into your A-spot and pulse it there. Press your legs together to hold it in place while you put your fingers in your mouth. Make circles around your clit… painfully slow circles.”
All she heard on Edith’s end were moans and whimpers of assent and pleasure – then a strained pleading to be allowed to come, followed by a tortured groan when she was denied. When she finally did come minutes later, it was epic – Maria had never heard anything like it before. Like a house on fire breaking apart, sending embers flying into a black sky, lighting it up with red smoke. Maria had never felt like that before.
When they finally said goodnight, it was Maria who felt exhausted. She hung up the phone and turned out her bedroom light; lying on her back in the dark, she slid her hands under the bottom of her nightgown and flung it aside. She squirmed as she felt slickness warm her inner thighs; when she moved her hand into her panties, she was shocked by how wet she was. She slid two fingers inside her cunt with one hand while gently rubbing her entire labia with the other, up and down, thinking about the orders that Edith obediently followed. Her hips bucked and her breath caught as her orgasm had her. She turned her head to bite her pillow, curling into a ball, afraid to make noise; she fell asleep in her underwear, which stuck to her.
It was the first thing on her mind when she woke up the next day; she knew she had to come clean. Edith had been her best friend for years; there just weren’t any secrets between them. Dreading the conversation, she rolled out of bed and slouched into the kitchen for coffee.
When she sat down at the table, she noticed how perky Edith seemed – how light on her feet. Good. “Ed – I have something to tell you.” “What’s up?” Edith asked, a spring in her step as she fluttered around the kitchen, grabbing dishes and cups and toast and creamer. “I heard you last night.” “Oh, god,” Edith said, her movements suddenly halted. “I was so loud you could hear me through the walls? I’m sooooo sorry!” “No…” Maria continued. “I heard you on the phone. I picked up and couldn’t stop listening. I know it was a huge violation of your privacy – I’m so, so sorry, Ed.” Her face flamed. She expected Edith to yell, to slam things on the table, to be furious. Instead, Edith just looked… curious.
“Huh,” she said. “Huh?” replied Maria. Again: “Huh.” Maria looked at her, completely baffled, not really knowing what to say. It turned out she didn’t have to say anything. “Did you… like what you heard?” asked Edith. Still beet red, Maria looked into her coffee cup. “Yeah,” she practically whispered. “It was… it was really hot, Ed.” The words rushed out of her mouth like air from a tire. “Huh.” “Why do you keep saying that?” asked Maria. “Well – Lora might be into that.” “What?” Maria asked, her mouth ajar. “Yeah – she might be into the idea of someone else listening in. Let me check with her.”
Maria felt her nipples stiffen under her nightgown – from arousal or anxiety she wasn’t sure, but she was sure of one thing: every cell in her body was saying “Yes.”
Image taken from Pixabay; credit: markito.
I’m not a tech person, but when I heard about the Mystery Vibe Crescendo, I understood why tech people were stoked about it. With six different motors inside and not only the ability to flex and bend into different shapes BUT ALSO Bluetooth connectivity / an app from which you can create your own vibration patterns, it feels futuristic. It’s a brilliant concept – make one vibrator that can fit the needs of a variety of people. That can be a G-spot stimulator one day and a dual-stim vibe the next. That has twelve different patterns built into it already as well as a variety of speeds, so you don’t even need to download the app.
The Crescendo comes in beautiful packaging – an elegant black box with a magnetized lid which stays tight when you close it. The instructions come on a black card with gold lettering in a black envelope tucked into the lid of the box – like an invitation to a remote and lavish ball. Actually, it kind of reminded me of the murder mysteries I used to love playing as a teenager! Opening the box, you discover that the vibrator also comes with what I can only describe as a knife roll for sex toys – a silky pouch that has separate compartments for the vibe and the charging components, easily rolled up and tied round with a black satin ribbon. It’s a very classy design, and I can’t even say how excited I am that it’s not pink. Seriously, industry people – SO HAPPY IT’S NOT PINK. None of it is pink. Thank you for that, Mystery Vibe.
The Crescendo comes with a charger that can plug into a computer or wall adapter; the charging cord plugs into a base on which you set the vibe to charge. This blew my fucking mind until a friend pointed out to me that other electronics do that – I’d just never seen it before. Again, not a tech person. Despite this and despite being wary of privacy concerns (I don’t use my phone to do anything blog-related), I tried to download the app onto my phone – no dice. The Android version said that “there was a problem parsing the package,” and the Google Play store said that my phone wasn’t compatible with the current version of the app (it requires Android 6.0 or higher).
I was actually okay with this – while I’m sure the app is fun to play with, the vibrator is fun enough on its own. To be quite honest, it took me some time to warm up to the Crescendo. It’s called the Crescendo for a reason; most of the patterns rise and fall or switch between different motors in the vibrator. I’m used to using vibrators with one major point of vibration, so even when they use patterns, it’s always in the same spot. Not so with the Crescendo. At first, I found this frustrating – this is not a vibrator that you use in a pinch to get your rocks off before running out the door. It takes a bit of time and buildup. This is a lazy Sunday afternoon vibrator. Because of that, however, and because it can be used hands-free (awesome!), I found that my orgasms with it were more intense than usual. Instead of tensing into my orgasm, I could lay back and let the sensations build and build before coming, which is something I’ve been trying to work on lately.
There are a couple of minor drawbacks for me – I could bend it into the shape I wanted, but couldn’t get it inside of me while it was in that shape… and once I had it inside of me, could no longer bend it into the shape I wanted. I got close, though. At times I would go to push it deeper inside and accidentally hit the buttons, changing the speed or pattern; it would be nice to have a kind of locking mechanism to prevent that were it possible. It is a lot noisier than the website lets on (it is “expected to create some noise”); that’s not a problem for me, as I’m noisy as fuck when I’m having sex… but there is one pattern that involves a sound that to me mimics an elephant trumpet, which I find mildly alarming.
There are also some major drawbacks. The Crescendo falls somewhere in the middle of the buzzy – rumbly spectrum, but a lot of the vibrations are on the buzzy end; I wish they were a bit more rumbly. Maybe it’s that the motors are buried underneath the flexing mechanisms, or maybe they’re just buzzy motors. Perhaps that’s why it takes me longer to get off with this vibe. Another big drawback is the price; at $200, it feels like you’re paying for the novelty of having a bendable vibrator.
That being said, there are also big benefits. It has wireless charging, and you can wash it after use (just don’t submerge it) – a big deal for an insertable vibrator. You can register for a warranty if you buy it, which I think is fantastic! It has a nice feel to it, too; the outer shell is made of soft silicone (not medical-grade). My very favorite thing about it is that after using it as a dual-stim vibrator, I can take it out, change the shape, and keep using it as an A-spot stimulator without having to change toys. That’s pretty badass in my book. You know that feeling right before you come where your whole body is tingling and you feel waves of ecstasy? The Crescendo had me in that state for a loooong while; it’s a toy I will use whenever I have leisure time.
All in all – the Mystery Vibe Crescendo is an innovative and creative (but rather expensive) product that can suit many needs, comes in beautiful packaging, and will be lots of fun to experiment with!
UPDATE! I just got an email from the creator of the Crescendo; he tells me that a) they’re working on a firmware upgrade so that the device can be locked into a certain pattern / intensity; b) they’re working with the motor manufacturer to make a quieter motor and more rumbly motors on the ends of the device. Yea!
*Full disclosure: Mystery Vibe sent me a sample of the Crescendo, but did not ask me to write a review.
Have a new toy to play with, so I thought I might as well make it festive!
Sometimes I get a little creative ’cause I’m bendy:
Once in a while we just find ourselves in strange positions while wanking, you know?
This week’s photos are sure to be… brilliant (see what I did there?); check them out by clicking on the lips below!
The Butters is an all-natural lube – no parabens, no glycerin, no added colors or scents or chemicals. It’s vegan and plant-based, and I can pronounce and identify all of the ingredients, which makes me feel good. It’s not just lube, though – it has a multitude of uses. The first thing I used it for was makeup removal; as someone who wears makeup infrequently, it was nice to have something to remove my foundation once in a while that wouldn’t dry out my skin without having to buy a special product. The second thing I used it for was shaving my legs (I usually use conditioner), and it worked great! I’ve used it for moisturizer as well, and I’m kind of sad that I don’t have Docs to shine with it.
By the time I got around to putting it on my naughty bits, I was already sold. The Butters is longer-lasting than water-based lube, but not as fluid as pure coconut oil; best of all, you can use it on silicone toys (but don’t use it with toys that are made from porous materials). Something I really like about this lube is that I can use it externally and not have to re-apply (a reason I like to use silicone lube on my vulva) while using a silicone toy internally at the same time and not worry about getting silicone lube on it accidentally. This lube is fantastic for butt toys – I’ve used it with beads and plugs, and it’s perfect! I like that it’s slippery without being runny – it’s creamy instead. I’ve used it for manual sex, externally on myself and on a male partner; in a long hand job session, I only needed to grab a bit more lube once! My partner was really into it, too (I believe his exact quote was, “Where can I buy this?!”).*
As for vaginal use – I think that’s a personal call. There’s a lot of discussion and disagreement among sex educators about using plant-based oils as vaginal lubricants; if you’re fine with other oils, this might be okay as well. I’m prone to yeast infections, so I prefer not to use oils inside my vag at all. And a quick PSA: Please don’t use oil-based lubes with condoms, kids.
Something I love about The Butters is the discreet packaging – once you take the label off, it’s just a small black tub. It could be anything – meaning you can leave it in plain sight and never have to answer questions about it. I wish it came available in a pump or squeeze tube, though; maybe someday down the road? One of the best things about it is the price; at half the price (or less) of other lubes on the market, it’s a steal! A 4oz tub of The Butters is only $4.50 compared to the $8 – 10 price range of other lubes at that size.
The Butters has a faint scent kind of reminiscent of a new silicone toy – not unpleasant, but present. Not strong enough to smell if your nose isn’t right next to it, but it will stay on your fingers for a little while. It kind of looks like semen when it’s being rubbed over a body part, which is delightful… and hot. Overall, this is a great lube. The texture, the endurance, and the multiple uses won my… heart. Highly recommended! And if you’re not in the market for oil-based lube, pop over to LTASEX anyway for a good dose of entertainment and education.
Indra liked the way the crisp autumn air stung her cheeks as she squatted close to the ground, her urine stream splashing a bit onto her shoes from the crunchy fallen oak leaves between her feet. This was a sensual time of year: everything smelled rich due to harvest or decay. The light was more golden, connections between people more heightened as friends and family came together after vacations apart. She stood up, buttoning her jeans, closed her eyes, and inhaled the earthy scent of burning branches for a moment before starting her walk back to the cluster of tents she and her friends had set up earlier that day. She could see the glow of their bonfire in the distance; she, too, felt radiant.
Coming closer to the tents, Indra stopped short when a movement caught her eye. Still hidden in the forest, her hand grazing the scratchy bark on the tree next to her, she squinted to see more clearly the silhouette of someone inside their tent; the campfire in front of the tent made the shadow visible from behind. Whose tent is that? she wondered as she intently stared, craning her neck to get a better look. Suddenly understanding what she was seeing, she flushed and took a step toward camp – then stepped back to look again. His hand was down his pants, methodically and slowly stroking. She stepped toward camp again… but then immediately came back for more. Now he had pulled his cock out; its shadow looked comically large in the firelight. She laughed a small, barely audible, nervous laugh, unable to look away as he licked his hand and rubbed it over the head of his cock, then all the way to the bottom of his shaft. Her cunt warmed, thickened, pulsed.
An unexpected shout of “INDRA!” from a friend jolted her and sent her heart racing, but she couldn’t avert her eyes, couldn’t move her feet. Maybe if she just stayed silent… she heard boots pounding leaves and panting breath coming into the woods; she stayed stock still but for a slight rubbing of her thighs. Catching her breath, Ellen jogged up to Indra, asking for toilet paper. A few seconds too late, Indra switched her glance over to Ellen, trying to find words that were sticky in her mouth, and snapping out of her reverie, patted her pockets for the desired item. “What were you staring at?” asked Ellen, whose eyes were adjusting to the darkness.
“I just – uh – nothing,” she replied, her vulva now aflame. Ellen looked into the camp and audibly gasped when she saw it. She grabbed Indra’s warm hand in hers and they looked on silently, blood thudding together. “It’s so hot,” Indra whispered. Ellen, a bit tipsy, leaned into Indra’s ear and whispered, “Can I touch you like that?” Indra, still looking at the tent, just swallowed hard and nodded, her nipples like cherry pits. Ellen unbuttoned Indra’s pants and lowered her zipper just a bit before sliding her slender hand into the slick folds of Indra’s vulva, rubbing her juices up and over her clit before moving two fingers inside of her. She looked behind her for a moment to get the rhythm of his stroke and tried to match it, curling and pressing her fingers inside of Indra.
Indra grabbed the branch above her with both hands, holding onto it like a log in a river with strong currents. She moaned aloud; Ellen moved her lips back to Indra’s ear to whisper, “Don’t make a sound.” She covered Indra’s mouth with one hand while continuing to fuck her with the other. She didn’t know if it was the voyeurism or potential exhibitionism – could anyone else see them? – that made her insides growl and roar, but either way, she came hard onto Ellen’s hand, her muscles clamping around Ellen’s fingers. Ellen gently pulled them out, licked them, and placed her hands on the sides of Indra’s face before lightly kissing her still-ajar, chapstick-covered lips. “Thanks!” she said quietly, grabbing the tissue out of Indra’s pocket, and bounding away into the woods, leaving Indra there to watch a small stream of ejaculate bubble out of the staff in her friend’s hand, both of them finally satisfied.
Wait, I say to him before we get off the phone. I want him to read me a bedtime story. He stoically tells me that it’s 10:00 am. Not where I am, I remind him. I tell him I’ll be restless without it. That I won’t be able to sleep. That I’ll be tossing and turning all night long when I could be dreaming of him. He grudgingly gives in, searching for a good piece of erotica on his computer while I turn off the lights, climb my stairs, and slink into bed, the bright light of my phone pressed to my ear.
How about a gangbang story? he asks. I smile; that’s exactly what I would have chosen. As he starts to read, his voice deep and reassuring in my ear, I close my eyes and imagine the scene unfolding before me, vivid images floating behind the dark half-moons of my eyelids. Hands and mouths everywhere, greedy, grasping, searching. Every glorious orifice being used to its full potential, undulations of bodies and pleasure. My right hand slides into my pajama bottoms, underneath my cotton panties as he continues to read; I find my labia already slick and slippery.
I’m not prepared for how fast I come. Before I can take any clothes off, before I can pull a breast out to graze one of my nipples with a wet finger, without tensing into it like normal, I suddenly come hard at the thought of several strangers using me, not ever knowing who they are, a dozen hands groping me at once. Fingers in my mouth, a fist around my hair, nails dug into my haunches, gripping me backward. I cry out, my body convulsing, and continue to moan; he stops reading.
“I wasn’t done,” he says. I am. I tell him to keep reading to me. I lay still in bed, my panties and thighs soaked, breathing deeply and evenly as I imagine him next to me, whispering the story into my ear in the dark.
|Photo from http://www.wisconsinhistory.org|
For the third day in a row now, Mari could feel eyes caressing her back as she unlocked the door to her office at Ambrosia. She’d only started there a week before; she assumed it would be like her previous HR jobs, but it was so much better. She remembered being a child and smelling the chocolate factory from her school bus as it rumbled through freeway traffic every morning; now she inhaled deeply, turning the key in the lock, and paused for a minute to feel it course through her before briefly turning back to see if she would catch someone looking at her through the glass that separated office workers from the factory floor. All the machine operators and assemblers, however, had their eyes down or forward, making sure everything continued to move smoothly along conveyor belts and into boxes.
By lunchtime, she was starving. Walking past the other offices on her way to the parking lot, she looked over the factory floor to her right and noticed a woman she hadn’t seen before writing on a clipboard nailed to a post. The woman was tall and muscular – or at least she looked so in her white coat – and suddenly she looked Mari directly in the eye and smiled, tilting her head a bit. It was a genuine smile, full of curiosity; Mari could make out bundles of black hair under the woman’s hair net. She wondered briefly what it would be like to take the hair net off and run her fingers through the woman’s silky hair; the invasive thought caught her off guard, and she tripped over a snag in the hallway carpet. Collecting her purse and shaken, she looked again for the mysterious woman, who had turned around and started moving a machine behind her. Mari blushed and hurried on her way, holding her purse tight and her breath tighter, her heels soundless on the carpet.
She lay in bed later that night, thinking again of the amazon. Imagining her strong arms (god she looked so strong) picking her up so that Mari’s thighs gripped her obliques and placing her on the small desk in her office, deftly working one hand up Mari’s thigh and snaking her fingers under Mari’s panties and into her wet cunt, the other hand pulling one of Mari’s small breasts out of her camisole so she could slip the taut nipple into her mouth, her long black hair falling in waves over Mari’s face. Her hair that smelled like chocolate. Her breath that smelled like chocolate twirling up through Mari’s nostrils as she leaned in to kiss Mari with full lips, making her moan from her diaphragm. She rubbed her clit in circles, coming in undulations as she felt the woman’s tongue and fingers and body weight.
She came in early the next morning, wearing a red blouse and a bit of blush, which she never wore to work. Shortly after arriving, there was a knock on her door; “Come in,” she said, staring at the green and black computer screen in front of her. “I hope I’m not bothering you,” a husky voice said from the door frame. She didn’t need to look up to know. Her heart felt like the Kool-Aid man bursting through a wall; she swallowed and lifted her eyes. “I wanted to introduce myself,” said the woman, confident and direct. “I’m the forewoman on the floor; I thought it would help to know someone’s name in case you needed to talk to anyone here about paperwork or other unresolved issues.” She strode in, took the latex glove off her right hand, and extended it to Mari, sliding it perfectly into Mari’s small hand, her skin smooth. Her skin that smelled like chocolate. She held Mari’s hand in hers for longer than necessary, her eyes searching for Mari’s and her hand making promises. “I’m Tanya,” she said with her beautiful lips, Mari barely hearing the words, seeing in her mind her own hands on Tanya’s face and Tanya’s lips on the nape of her neck. She felt warm and full as she made it through the words “It’s nice to meet you, Tanya – I’m Mari.” Words like peanut butter in her mouth.
|A bit like these guys…|