I love butt stuff. Plugs, fingers, vibrating plugs, rimming, beads, plugs of various shapes and sizes, pegging, and – have I mentioned plugs? I love them. That said – anal sex isn’t really my thing.
Having a partner slide a finger into my ass while licking my puss? Definitely my thing, and my clitoral orgasms are so much more intense when combined with anal stimulation. I often incorporate beads and plugs when I wank, especially to tip me over the edge. Riding a partner’s dick with a vibrating butt plug in so he can feel the vibrations through my vaginal wall? Absofuckinglutely. I often fantasize about double penetration – sitting on a dick reverse cowgirl style and lying back on that gent while having another fuck me missionary style while other people watch. Giving languid analingus at the end of a long body massage makes me drip, and putting on a strap-on, making it goopy and slick with lube, and sliding it into a wriggling ass that can’t wait to be penetrated, only to hear a deep groan of satisfaction, makes my heart pound. PIA, though? That I could take or leave.
Then again – maybe I just haven’t given it a fair shot. The first time I tried anal was in uni; we lubed up, used fingers first as a warm up, and… it was good. Not great, but good. The second time we tried I really got into it. Then one night my boyfriend was pounding me hard from behind and his dick accidentally slipped into my ass (yes, this really does happen); it hurt so bad that I didn’t want to try anal with him again. I tried with another partner a year later, and then didn’t do it again until a decade later when I started dating The Texan, and then only once. I think that part of it is that I’ve gone on dates and had one-night stands with a lot of men who want to fuck me in the ass, but would never in a million years allow themselves to be pegged – and that just doesn’t sit right with me. If someone expects me to take their cock in my rectum but won’t even try a finger in theirs to see what it feels like, they’re probably out the door.
Anal sex is not a casual sex activity for me. It’s something I’ve only ever wanted to do in relationships in which I feel I can really trust my partner to pull back, slow down, or stop if I feel uncomfortable – so maybe now is a good time to give it another try. A noble goal for 2018. The Engineer and I are keen (but he also has quite a sizable cock, which makes me a bit nervous), and it’s something we talk about doing often; I’ll make working up to it a goal for our next visit. “Let’s go home so you can put it in my butt” would probably make a welcome airport greeting, don’t you think?
After dessert – a decadent raspberry custard topped with chocolate ganache and served with port – Cal handed over a small, meticulously-wrapped box, which he seemed to pull out of thin air. Maybe it was the intoxicating effects of the port, the strength of which still lingered on hir tongue. Les accepted it with both hands, wondering where Cal had found the paper containing real leaves and the ribbon which felt like velvet. Sie looked at it carefully, turning it over in hir small hands, marveling at the care that had gone into it. Cal’s eyes twinkled. “Open it,” he eagerly instructed.
Sie peeled the tape off, careful not to rip the paper, and took off the lid, lifting layers of multi-colored tissue paper away from the interior to reveal a handful of small, plain, white envelopes containing what felt like cards. Each one of the twelve had a single word printed on the cover: the first said January. “What are these?” sie asked, delighted at the attention to detail, the smooth surface and crisp corners of the envelopes.
“Each month, you get one card with an instruction on it. You have one month to carry out the order; if you succeed, you receive a reward. If not, a punishment. That simple.” Les’s eyes widened and the corners of hir mouth drew up slowly as sie started to think about all the possibilities. Knowing Cal, there would be nothing simple about this – it would be challenging, but exhilarating.
“Put them away for now,” he said, standing up and walking around to help Les with hir coat. Hir face formed a momentary frown, at which he laughed. “My darling,” he said, “January first is but an hour away, and the clock is ticking. I believe we have an engagement to be at. You owe me a dance and a midnight kiss.” Sie smiled and slipped hir arm into the sleeves before putting one through Cal’s arm. They strolled out into the cold air, still glowing from each other’s company, and held tight to each other as they walked to a friend’s party.
They danced to song after song, alternating the lead to songs that would always remind hir of New York – Gershwin, Porter, Berlin. At midnight, showered in vibrant confetti, they kissed each other, relishing the pressure and taste of each other’s lips. Sie trailed hir lips to his ear, and whispered, “I can’t wait. Can I open the first one now?” “You’re so impatient!” he chided playfully. “But yes, of course you can.”
Sie ran over to their coats in staccato steps, digging the box out of hir deep coat pocket, and gingerly took out the first envelope. Sie slid a finger underneath the flap and pulled out a small white card containing the following sentences:
Put the Njoy plug in first thing when you wake up in the morning. Keep it there all day and come to my office five minutes before I get off work. I will leave my office each day at 4:53 exactly. When I arrive back to my office at 4:55 one day in January, you will be there, hands on my desk, wearing nothing from the waist down except that plug, waiting for me.
Les’s heart stopped at the idea of being semi-nude in Cal’s office. Sie knew his coworkers; they often had happy hour cocktails together. What if someone else came in? What if the timing was off? What if…? Cal looked closely at hir expression, wondering momentarily if he’d made a mistake – but then he saw the fear in hir eyes replaced with lust, and an unmistakable blush spread across hir face. What if he spanks me? Sie thought. What if he replaces that plug with his fingers? Sie quickly thought about the heft of the metal plug and how it would feel inside of hir for an entire day. What if he demands I get under the desk and lick his cock from base to tip, over and over, until he’s shivering? Sie closed her eyes dreamily and thought about the potential. Cal leaned in and brushed his lips against hirs. “This is just the beginning,” he said, almost inaudible against the chorus of Auld Lang Syne. “I started with an easy one.” He slid his hand around hir waist and up hir back in a reassuring way; they spent the next few minutes in silence, both contemplating their adventures ahead and feeling no need to make resolutions.
I’m not a tech person, but when I heard about the Mystery Vibe Crescendo, I understood why tech people were stoked about it. With six different motors inside and not only the ability to flex and bend into different shapes BUT ALSO Bluetooth connectivity / an app from which you can create your own vibration patterns, it feels futuristic. It’s a brilliant concept – make one vibrator that can fit the needs of a variety of people. That can be a G-spot stimulator one day and a dual-stim vibe the next. That has twelve different patterns built into it already as well as a variety of speeds, so you don’t even need to download the app.
The Crescendo comes in beautiful packaging – an elegant black box with a magnetized lid which stays tight when you close it. The instructions come on a black card with gold lettering in a black envelope tucked into the lid of the box – like an invitation to a remote and lavish ball. Actually, it kind of reminded me of the murder mysteries I used to love playing as a teenager! Opening the box, you discover that the vibrator also comes with what I can only describe as a knife roll for sex toys – a silky pouch that has separate compartments for the vibe and the charging components, easily rolled up and tied round with a black satin ribbon. It’s a very classy design, and I can’t even say how excited I am that it’s not pink. Seriously, industry people – SO HAPPY IT’S NOT PINK. None of it is pink. Thank you for that, Mystery Vibe.
The Crescendo comes with a charger that can plug into a computer or wall adapter; the charging cord plugs into a base on which you set the vibe to charge. This blew my fucking mind until a friend pointed out to me that other electronics do that – I’d just never seen it before. Again, not a tech person. Despite this and despite being wary of privacy concerns (I don’t use my phone to do anything blog-related), I tried to download the app onto my phone – no dice. The Android version said that “there was a problem parsing the package,” and the Google Play store said that my phone wasn’t compatible with the current version of the app (it requires Android 6.0 or higher).
I was actually okay with this – while I’m sure the app is fun to play with, the vibrator is fun enough on its own. To be quite honest, it took me some time to warm up to the Crescendo. It’s called the Crescendo for a reason; most of the patterns rise and fall or switch between different motors in the vibrator. I’m used to using vibrators with one major point of vibration, so even when they use patterns, it’s always in the same spot. Not so with the Crescendo. At first, I found this frustrating – this is not a vibrator that you use in a pinch to get your rocks off before running out the door. It takes a bit of time and buildup. This is a lazy Sunday afternoon vibrator. Because of that, however, and because it can be used hands-free (awesome!), I found that my orgasms with it were more intense than usual. Instead of tensing into my orgasm, I could lay back and let the sensations build and build before coming, which is something I’ve been trying to work on lately.
There are a couple of minor drawbacks for me – I could bend it into the shape I wanted, but couldn’t get it inside of me while it was in that shape… and once I had it inside of me, could no longer bend it into the shape I wanted. I got close, though. At times I would go to push it deeper inside and accidentally hit the buttons, changing the speed or pattern; it would be nice to have a kind of locking mechanism to prevent that were it possible. It is a lot noisier than the website lets on (it is “expected to create some noise”); that’s not a problem for me, as I’m noisy as fuck when I’m having sex… but there is one pattern that involves a sound that to me mimics an elephant trumpet, which I find mildly alarming.
There are also some major drawbacks. The Crescendo falls somewhere in the middle of the buzzy – rumbly spectrum, but a lot of the vibrations are on the buzzy end; I wish they were a bit more rumbly. Maybe it’s that the motors are buried underneath the flexing mechanisms, or maybe they’re just buzzy motors. Perhaps that’s why it takes me longer to get off with this vibe. Another big drawback is the price; at $200, it feels like you’re paying for the novelty of having a bendable vibrator.
That being said, there are also big benefits. It has wireless charging, and you can wash it after use (just don’t submerge it) – a big deal for an insertable vibrator. You can register for a warranty if you buy it, which I think is fantastic! It has a nice feel to it, too; the outer shell is made of soft silicone (not medical-grade). My very favorite thing about it is that after using it as a dual-stim vibrator, I can take it out, change the shape, and keep using it as an A-spot stimulator without having to change toys. That’s pretty badass in my book. You know that feeling right before you come where your whole body is tingling and you feel waves of ecstasy? The Crescendo had me in that state for a loooong while; it’s a toy I will use whenever I have leisure time.
All in all – the Mystery Vibe Crescendo is an innovative and creative (but rather expensive) product that can suit many needs, comes in beautiful packaging, and will be lots of fun to experiment with!
UPDATE! I just got an email from the creator of the Crescendo; he tells me that a) they’re working on a firmware upgrade so that the device can be locked into a certain pattern / intensity; b) they’re working with the motor manufacturer to make a quieter motor and more rumbly motors on the ends of the device. Yea!
*Full disclosure: Mystery Vibe sent me a sample of the Crescendo, but did not ask me to write a review.
LTASEX was one of the first sex blogs I ever started reading on a regular basis, so when Jerome asked me to review his new creation, a lube called The Butters, I was so excited!
The Butters is an all-natural lube – no parabens, no glycerin, no added colors or scents or chemicals. It’s vegan and plant-based, and I can pronounce and identify all of the ingredients, which makes me feel good. It’s not just lube, though – it has a multitude of uses. The first thing I used it for was makeup removal; as someone who wears makeup infrequently, it was nice to have something to remove my foundation once in a while that wouldn’t dry out my skin without having to buy a special product. The second thing I used it for was shaving my legs (I usually use conditioner), and it worked great! I’ve used it for moisturizer as well, and I’m kind of sad that I don’t have Docs to shine with it.
By the time I got around to putting it on my naughty bits, I was already sold. The Butters is longer-lasting than water-based lube, but not as fluid as pure coconut oil; best of all, you can use it on silicone toys (but don’t use it with toys that are made from porous materials). Something I really like about this lube is that I can use it externally and not have to re-apply (a reason I like to use silicone lube on my vulva) while using a silicone toy internally at the same time and not worry about getting silicone lube on it accidentally. This lube is fantastic for butt toys – I’ve used it with beads and plugs, and it’s perfect! I like that it’s slippery without being runny – it’s creamy instead. I’ve used it for manual sex, externally on myself and on a male partner; in a long hand job session, I only needed to grab a bit more lube once! My partner was really into it, too (I believe his exact quote was, “Where can I buy this?!”).*
As for vaginal use – I think that’s a personal call. There’s a lot of discussion and disagreement among sex educators about using plant-based oils as vaginal lubricants; if you’re fine with other oils, this might be okay as well. I’m prone to yeast infections, so I prefer not to use oils inside my vag at all. And a quick PSA: Please don’t use oil-based lubes with condoms, kids.
Something I love about The Butters is the discreet packaging – once you take the label off, it’s just a small black tub. It could be anything – meaning you can leave it in plain sight and never have to answer questions about it. I wish it came available in a pump or squeeze tube, though; maybe someday down the road? One of the best things about it is the price; at half the price (or less) of other lubes on the market, it’s a steal! A 4oz tub of The Butters is only $4.50 compared to the $8 – 10 price range of other lubes at that size.
The Butters has a faint scent kind of reminiscent of a new silicone toy – not unpleasant, but present. Not strong enough to smell if your nose isn’t right next to it, but it will stay on your fingers for a little while. It kind of looks like semen when it’s being rubbed over a body part, which is delightful… and hot. Overall, this is a great lube. The texture, the endurance, and the multiple uses won my… heart. Highly recommended! And if you’re not in the market for oil-based lube, pop over to LTASEX anyway for a good dose of entertainment and education.
I could still see her juices glistening on my dildo after she said stop, she couldn’t handle any more pleasure. She was covered in sweat, her hair a mess, and stunning. Long after I washed my hands I could still smell her on my fingers, still feel her sizzling on my tongue. It was a good Saturday night.
Seven years ago, I walked with some trepidation into a tiny shop on the third floor of a commercial building; it was up a narrow staircase, and I had to ring a buzzer at a heavy door with a tiny window to get in. I only knew this place was there because other foreigners told me so: “Look for the interlocked male and female symbols,” they said. Walking past masks, fake blood, face paint, props, and various other costume pieces, I saw what I came for: sex toys. Well, sort of. Everything was covered in a fine layer of dust and had Japanese writing on it; it all looked very old, as though it had been smuggled in via Soviet Russia. There weren’t very many products – a fake pussy here, a crop there, a couple of PVC dildos. Pornography is illegal in Korea; adult toy stores are highly frowned upon and hidden away, and I think they can only be open as novelty stores. Anything considered “obscene” by the Korean government can be confiscated by customs; the Korean version of Amazon does sell a limited number of items, but only on its Korean-language page. and shoppers must submit a phone number for age verification.
A bit like these guys…
But back to this store. The older man with greying hair behind the counter lowered his glasses and looked me up and down before asking, “Vibrator?” I nodded and walked toward the counter. From behind the glass, he brought out a huge rabbit and told me the price: 100,000 won. Nope, I said – too expensive. I was just looking for a cheap way to get off quickly. He then brought out, in sealed plastic wrapping in a tiny box one egg vibe, bright yellow and transparent. 20,000 won, he said. Sold. I know this is outrageously expensive for a cheap plastic egg vibrator – but seeing as how Korea is lacking in feminist sex-positive sex shops, I took what I could get, and I got down.
I had that vibrator my first two years in Korea; it never blew my mind, but it did the trick! It was a traumatic time in my life, and that little vibrator meant waves of relief when I desperately needed it. Every time I go home to the States now, I make several trips to my local superhero sex store and stock up, very, VERY thankful that I have all the vibrators at my disposal that I could possibly want (and that nothing has been confiscated by Korean customs). And dammit, I want them all.
I’m a fan of rumbly over buzzy; of patterns over continuous vibration; of silicone over… well, everything. I use vibrators mostly when I want to get off hard and fast; if I’m in for a long wank or am highly aroused and lubricated, I prefer my hands and a dildo. That being said – I bought my first vibrator on my eighteenth birthday (it was pink and had hearts all over it – triple ugh) and have never looked back.
I bought my mom a vibrator (maybe that’s what this post should have been about!) for her 55th birthday after she confided in me that my father wouldn’t touch her anymore… and she shed tears of joy when I said that every woman had the right to experience pleasure.She called to say thank you the following week, and we never talked about it again – but I know it made an impact on her to know that her daughter had her back.We should all have each other’s backs when it comes to the right to self-pleasure.Maybe when I move back to the States, I should make it a point to mail all my friends in Korea vibrators for their birthdays – I’ll just write “novelty item” on the customs slip.
I didn’t have time to take a photo for the prompt this week (the end of the semester is always busy); however, I remembered that I had an old photo taken in my apartment years ago before heading to the Dore Alley Fair in San Francisco. I had a friend visiting from Wisconsin and taking her to Dore on a leash was absolutely delightful… especially given that I was hiding a secret under my leather skirt. You never know what’s underneath, ladies and gentlemen, unless you ask politely. For other secrets, click the lips below!
Once in a while I walk around my apartment with a dildo in; the way it presses against my G-spot (or whatever you want to call it; I know there’s a lot of controversy about this) while I’m walking is pretty awesome. For me, the idea of doing domestic tasks with a dildo inserted is both hilarious and erotic, and it builds waves of arousal before masturbating.
As some of you know, I have a partner (The Texan) who moved back to the US last year, which has been rough to say the least. One of the things I was worried about when he left is that since my heart lives in my vagina, the physical distance would make us emotionally distant.
Enter the Vibease.
Remote / app-controlled sex toys have popping up all over the place in the last couple of years, so I had the opportunity to do a lot of research before choosing the Vibease over the Blue Motion (OhMiBod) or the We-Vibe 4 Plus, which seem to be the two most popular long-distance vibes currently on the market.I read news articles, blog posts, and Amazon reviews about all three; although I prefer the design of the We-Vibe, its cost was a deterrent to me*, and the Vibease’s app had better reviews.
Last week, I finally got the chance to use my Vibease with The Texan, and it was Fucking. Hot. We chatted while using the toy, so he could gauge how well it was working. He could control the speed, the strength, and the pulsation pattern from his phone 7,000 miles away, which blows my goddamn mind; having someone else control the vibrations on my clitoris while my hands were free to touch elsewhere made the experience richer and more intense, as did being unable to anticipate what was coming!
The app was super easy to download and set up, and inviting him to play was a piece of cake. The device disconnected from my phone a couple of times, which was only a mild annoyance – never seemed like a big deal because I could immediately reconnect. It took a few minutes for us to get it going, but once we did, everything was aces. It makes me uncomfortable that the app wanted access to my photos and contacts; a company representative said it was so that I could send photos and connect to my partner using the app, but it still makes me nervous!
The design of the Vibease could be better, in all honesty. There’s a small knob that’s supposed to sit at the entrance to the vagina while the flat part of the vibe rests against the clitoris; however, the end that’s supposed to rest at the vaginal entrance is the end with the stronger vibe, which doesn’t make any sense to me. That little knob is kind of small, too – I have to wear pretty tight panties to keep it in place (a rope harness might be fun…). Actually, what works best for me is to wear panties that have that extra crotch-protecting liner and slip it in there!
It looks like an adorable baby bird…
As far as strength goes, it packs a punch for being so small. The vibrations are a bit more buzzy than they are rumbly, so it’s not silent; I wouldn’t wear it in, say, a library, but am super stoked to try it out on the subway! The vibrator itself only has five pulse settings, but the app has more – as well as music / nature-based sounds / erotica that pulse as you listen. My personal favorites are the mountain top setting, which makes the vibe rock back and forth (!) and the wave sounds (Beach Play). The erotica is way too cheesy for me to take seriously, but good for a laugh if you’re hanging out with friends. Use of the vibrator alone without the app features has been enough to get me off several times, but I do like the app’s pulse patterns. The Vibease is also USB-rechargeable and high-grade silicone, both of which are huge bonuses.
The thing I love most about the Vibease is that because the strong end is supposed to sit away from the clitoris and someone else can control it, there’s a lot of opportunity for tantric buildup and edging.
Last weekend, I had my date slip it into her panties on the way out the door to a night club; her face when I suddenly made it vibrate while we were grinding on the dance floor was priceless. The possibilities are endless, people.
Overall, I really like it. I’d like it a bit better if it didn’t move around so easily (perhaps there’s a Vibease 2.0 on the way…?), but as for now, I’m a satisfied customer. While it’s no substitute for skin to skin contact, it helps us to maintain a sexual connection while we’re very, very far apart.
A great start to a Saturday night.
*Because I bought it near the holidays, the Vibease was only $89; the cost has since risen to $99, which doesn’t put it that far off from the $129 We-Vibe 4 Plus (app-only version; the regular version is a whopping $189) or Blue Motion.
Not the sexiest picture, perhaps, but the things I’ll do with it are sure sexy!
I bought this for $0.75 in Kalaw, Myanmar, in an open market; it was hanging above a selection of fruits and vegetables. I have no idea what its intended use is (any thoughts?), but I already got a good whacking with it from a one-night stand (it’s stingy, but pretty low-key). He delighted in having me hit the soles of his feet with it, which was exciting to me – I LOVE having the soles of my feet hit with any impact toy, and it was nice to meet another person who enjoys the same kink.
I’m also keen to have someone use it as leverage for a hard fuck – to wrap it around my body and pull me against them as hard as they can. To keep at it until they’re panting and exhausted and sweaty and we collapse in a fuck heap. I’ll probably have bamboo splinters, but I’ll be so full of orgasmic dopamine that I won’t care!
Seriously – what is this actually supposed to be used for?
Thanks, Myanmar! Other travel photos to follow…
P.S. I ATE RATTAN, and it was delicious! I’ll be thinking about it every time I come across a cane… or a cane comes across me.