I fucked up big time.
I’m a bisexual woman who is very flirtatious by nature. I’m a polyamorous woman who understands and appreciates ethical monogamy as a valid and rich relationship model. Unfortunately, I’m also a heavy drinker on Saturday nights, and I sometimes don’t make the best judgments.
I don’t flirt with my girl friends’ girlfriends. I don’t flirt with my female friends’ husbands or boyfriends. But I most certainly – and often – flirt with my male friends’ girlfriends. Most of my guy friends take this with a grain of salt; they laugh, or they think it’s hot, or they wish it were more than flirting.
Or maybe they don’t. Maybe it annoys the fuck out of them, but there’s a societal pressure on men to say they want to see two women entwined. Maybe they’re seething inside their heads.
Last Saturday night, I was behind the bar – the bar I call my second home – with said bar owner’s girlfriend. This guy is a good friend and one of the most genuinely generous and compassionate people I have ever known. I made out with his girlfriend in front of the whole bar, thinking it was no big deal. She enthusiastically participated, and we were just being drunk and silly. Or so I thought.
When I walked out from behind the bar, I was immediately yanked aside by a mutual friend, who looked me in the eye and said, “Not cool.” I didn’t understand… until I looked backward and saw my friend looking at me with hurt eyes. He called me back, and took me into the kitchen.
“Why would you do that to me?” He asked. I have never felt so ashamed in my life. He said that people were coming up to him asking him why his girlfriend was kissing someone else, and he didn’t know what to tell them. Because I was drunk, I burst into tears and started profusely apologizing… I told him I loved him. That I would never intentionally hurt him. That he’s one of the best people I’ve ever known. That I didn’t know what to say, either, except I’m so sorry. I didn’t give excuses or reasons, because there weren’t any.
I’m sorry isn’t enough when you hurt a friend.
I know ere’s nothing I can do to make it better except let the natural balm of time run its course… but. Nothing except time and a little more fucking awareness of people’s feelings.
One of my favorite things about living in Korea is that the produce sold in the markets (and usually in the grocery stores, too) is seasonal; some fruits and veggies appear for a month or two, then vanish. When strawberry season hits, you have to nom on them quickly before they disappear!
- A paid site like Adult Friend Finder, Kasidie, or any number of other swinger dating sites
- Good old Craigslist. People knock CL, but I love it. I have met some wonderfully genuine, fun, and hot people on CL.
- The relatively new 3inder app
- OKC (apparently you can sign up as a couple?)
- Your friends! I know so many couples with whom I would love to have a threesome. Unfortunately for me, the couples I want to bang usually say no because one of them isn’t into it, and I haven’t been attracted to the friends who wanted me to be their third.
This was originally meant to be a post about fantasy threesomes with famous couples (I’m looking at you, Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem), but sometimes posts have a tendency to morph into something else entirely. Do any of you have fantasies about threesomes with famous couples?
My very, very favorite thing to do is go blues dancing. More than driving on lost highways. More than eating the toastiest bagel on a winter day. More than sex.
Yes. More than sex.
Dancing with a good partner is what makes me feel most alive and in my body. It makes me feel graceful and beautiful and sassy and carefree and so incredibly intimately connected to my partner, even if (s)he is a total stranger.
I’d take a great dance over good sex and a good dance over mediocre sex any day.
In South Korea, cherry blossoms mean spring has sprung; right now, everything is in bloom, and the country looks like a beautiful pink and white fluffy heaven.